You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
