I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
