4 words: hood of his car
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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