Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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