Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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