I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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