Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
