Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
