Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
