so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
