composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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