This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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