discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My life is pants optional.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
