Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
