3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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