woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
