if only i could text you this smell
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
