Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
