I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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