he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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