I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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