I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
