I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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