we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
