Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
