yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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