Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
