Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
