I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
