he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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