not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
