I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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