I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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