I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
