he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
