I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
