Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
