I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
