you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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