i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
