i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
