True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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