I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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