Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
