I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
