Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
