I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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