the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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