Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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