i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
