Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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