i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
