It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
