at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
