Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
