the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
