Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
