When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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