I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
