he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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