normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
