I want to have your abortion
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
