loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
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I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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