ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
