Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
