i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
