she looked like the before picture.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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