how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
