ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
