Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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