is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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