Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
