..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my shit smells like andre
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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