It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
