one two three fourrrrnication!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
