Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
