Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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